Wednesday, August 15, 2007

One Year Ago

This is cross-posted at The Daily Dave:

One year ago today we learned that Michael had died.

My parents had a hunch something was wrong. I was the one that got the confirmation. I had to call my mom and dad with the news. It was heartbreaking.

I hated Michael so much for making my mother cry.

I didn't start crying until after I had called my parents. I called Britt, who was in Boston that night, and started bawling before he even answered the phone. He couldn't understand me, but knew exactly what had happened.

While I was speaking to Britt, my father was calling Lee and Michon.

All of the calls after that were about logistics. Britt handled the flights and hotel rooms. I don't remember sleeping that night. I do remember the flight to Chicago the next morning. I wanted to punch everybody who said have a nice day.

I knew I would not be having a nice day.

While today has not been a particularly nice day, it hasn't been that difficult for me, either. I can't explain why. Perhaps the date on the calendar isn't a tangible reminder of losing my brother. Maybe I'll feel differently when Britt and I are in synagogue Friday night, and I hear the rabbi read Michael's name on the Yahrzeit list.

Perhaps one year is just too soon to understand a loss so big.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mike has been much in my thoughts these days.

Gabriel M

Online Obituary said...

We often hear people saying that when we have someone very dear to us we do not value that individual's existence, but when he or she is not beside us we start understanding their importance.I am glad to pay tribute to Mike. I feel the same when I think of my grandmother.